veggietales.

DUN!

DUN!

DUN!

i like to consider myself adventurous in the kitchen, especially when it comes to experiments with health foods (or baked goods with lauren), but i don't know what the hell i was thinking when i bought this. well, yes i do, i was thinking "artichokes are in season and this one is only 99 cents at trader joe's, and this will be a fun little project." that is exactly what it was: A PROJECT.

i googled how to cook artichokes and skimmed the directions (i hate reading directions) then went to work. the internet suggested a steamer basket (aka kitchen ufo):

that was extremely effective...NOT.

stupid artichoke, why are you sooo awkward?

finally i gave up on the stupid basket and just put the whole freaking thing in the pot. at this point i just wanted to move on with my life:

next i turned my attention to the dip portion of the project. the internet suggested either melted butter or mayonnaise. 1) i don't own either of these things and 2) even if i did, there is no way i would corrupt a perfectly innocent vegetable with exhorbitant amounts of saturated fat. after scouring my stash in the fridge, i came up with the following raw materials for potential dip creations:

now it was time to get creative. dip #1 consisted of greek yogurt, dijion mustard, and some hot sauce (why? why not, that's why.)

dip #2 was my old faithful, hummus and salsa. before all you haters start throwing up in your mouths, let me tell you that i have converted many an intially disgusted person into loving this multi-ethnic combo right along with me (that means you tracey johnsen.)

so i pulled the crazy thing out of the pot after a while (not only do i hate directions, i also hate measuring things and keeping track of cooking times). how did i know if it was done? i didn't. and, after attempting to eat a portion of it and feeling a bit like a panda bear eating bamboo leaves i came to the conclusion that it, in fact, was not done. now what? i had already cleaned up the pot and put all the stuff away, so i did whatever i do when im not sure how to go about cooking something: i nuked it.

i wrapped it in cling wrap first, which proceeded to inflate like a balloon. fun times.

although the micro was not the desired method of choice, it got the job done, and i was able to enjoy the remainder of my food project. dip #1 was not good with the choke, but really awesome as a dip for green beans that i ate later for dinner. dip #2 was decent, but i still found it lacking. near the end i just started salting the leaves and eating them straight up.

the little guy turned into the most beautiful flower-looking thing once i got near the heart.

so was it worth it? ehh, debatable. it was kind of worth it when my roommate walked into the kitchen and said "what the fuck is that?" otherwise, a little too much trouble, that is, unless you are really bored (or if you plan on using it as a vessel for butter consumption.)

i'm a copycat.

it's no secret that a big part of the reason that i started this blog is because i was inspired by a certain sister of mine's really awesome study abroad blog, so i decided to copy her.

the thing is that 1) she has way better content than i do thanks to the fact that she is living in a parisian dreamland i and i live in naptown, 2) she takes really cool pictures and videos and posts them in creative ways, whereas i could not do this even if i knew how, and 3) i think she's a little funnier than i am, at least in writing. with that in mind, please don't compare this blog to hers because mine is the janice ian to her regina george. in fact, don't even read them one after another because my blog will be embarrassed.

and although i do love tracey's blog as a means for her to communicate her study abroad experience to a mass audience, i do believe that she is missing out on the joys of feedback. sure, you can leave a comment, and i have communicated with tracey live more since she's been in paris than i ever did while she was at mizzou, but she doesn't get the joy of being able to read the full length responses to her computer confessions after the fact, like in 20 years, or to her grandchildren.

the reason i was thinking about this is that i have been reading through my 94 page word document simply titled, "SPAIN" that consists of all the emails that i exchanged with everyone close to me during my semester abroad in search of what i did in rome so that i could send it to tracey for her upcoming trip. in going through it, i thought i would share some of the little gems that came from it...

addressed to the entire family during one of my "update lists":

8. could you guys please do something with your lives and invest in a calling card and freaking call me? Its free for me, otherwise Im going to have to prostitute myself just to pay off my cell phone.

(clearly i am very loving)

this one was from tracey in response to some pics i sent her after a spain shopping trip:

not a huge fan of the shirt but love the back-- blouse is amazing, seriously its like something out of a dream. how much?? and the wedding dress well you can keep sending me those.
ps lets get mullets in spain
t.

this one came at the very end of a big ass butler gossip email from zac:
AA. MAKE SURE YOU ARE EATING ENOUGH. I WILL PERSONALLY COME TO SPAIN AND KICK YOUR MAMA'S ASS IF SHE ISN'T FEEDING YOU ENOUGH.

and my response to him:

Zac: I love you, and im really happy for you right now. And im excited that you got a style shout out on juicy campus, and im not even there to give my imput. Did I mention Ive been playing “top 3” study abroad edition? Im always in it. Another new game: count Courtney wishnews cardigans. That girl must have brought an entire suitcase of just cardigans. She hates me by the way. Probs because I rock the genie pants and talk about her cardigans behind her back.

this is probably my favorite, an excerpt from a very inspiring (i.e. sappy) email from dad:

Hello My Darling Daughter!

When Kenny lived in Hong Kong I visited him there and we took a side trip to Thailand. We were golfing at this amazing country club in the middle of God’s paradise a world away from anything I ever knew, and one of my brother's friends from Thailand was with us and the guy never stopped smiling - he seemed like a truly happy man. So I asked him why he was so darn happy. He said he had a motto that he lived by "Live life!" he said "Live life!" It was a simple saying that, matched with his giant smile, made for an everlasting defining moment. I remember that phrase almost everyday and occasionally I repeat it to myself and others around me when I feel great joy, or need great joy. Living life in a real and meaningful way makes you worldly, intelligent and happy. Living life opens doors. Living life teaches you humility. Living life shows you first hand how things ARE. Living life removes ignorance and stupidity and bias. Perhaps you've heard me say it not knowing its true meaning to me. So Shelley Lynn, I say to you live life! Let moderation be your friend and please don't do stupid. Live life in a way that will allow you to absorb, learn, love and be happy. In your happiest you will share love. Take some chances so you know your limitations but always keeping in mind not to do stupid.

i can only hope that trac will be able to save her memories in some way so that she can have a collection to look back on like i do, it is sooooo worth the work i put in to copy/paste all those emails and journal entries together into one giant messy recount of the best time of my life.

thats what blogging is all about, sifting through the mess to find the memories to save, so thanks for the inspiration little sis.

and please tracey, for everyone's sake, keep your blog up to date. god knows my thoughts aren't sufficient reading material.

throwback pic: trac in spain.

she might actually kill me for reminding her of THE HAIRCUT.

the broken windows theory.

i just finished malcolm gladwell's "the tipping point," (read it, seriously, and everything else gladwell has written) and in the book there is a chapter about the "broken windows theory"

this theory was proposed in a 1982 article then an entire book was written about it, but here is the basic premise:

"Consider a building with a few broken windows. If the windows are not repaired, the tendency is for vandals to break a few more windows. Eventually, they may even break into the building, and if it's unoccupied, perhaps become squatters or light fires inside."

this theory suggests that it is the small things that can lead to the bigger issues, such as a broken window leading to full-blown crime. the theory has been proven through a decrease of crime in areas after graffiti is cleaned up.

anyway, after reading about this it made me think of how this theory is applicable is so many everyday life situations. i like to refer to it in my own life as the "dirty dishes theory."

the dirty dishes theory suggests that a tiny mess will inevitably lead to a huge mess, like when one person in a household leaves a dirty dish in the sink therefore making it ok for the next person to leave one and eventually ok for someone to leave a dish on the table, then to leave their purse on the table, then to throw their coat over the chair and before you know it the kitchen is a disaster. (seriously, try this as an experiment with your roommates...this will happen).

there is also the "missed meeting theory" which suggests that once one person blows off a meeting for an organization "just cause they dont feel like it"  they open the door for someone else to do the same, then someone else, then the rules go down the drain and people wonder why the organization sucks because "nobody comes." (this happened with the music fraternity i belonged to---i was one of the ones who stopped coming---and i eventually quit).

i think this even applies to the "just five pounds theory." if you look at any biggest loser contestant you are seeing a living example of this one. an obese person did not wake up one morning dangerously overweight, they likely gained a few (just five) pounds until they go up a pants size, then since they can't fit in their old pants they figure why bother working out or cooking, then before long they are in the doctor's office being told that they are diabetic.

it is pretty mind-blowing to think about the concept of tipping points, and how big issues stem from small ones, but it is reassuring to know that these theories work positively as well. good habits beget good habits. you are likely to put that dish in the dishwasher when the sink is empty and wiped clean, likely to attend a meeting when you know that everyone else will be there expecting you, and likely to eat healthy when you've worked out that morning.

with that, i plan on making small positive acts turn into huge great things for me in my life. who's with me?

this is just too good not to blog.

Butler Hoops Team Under Investigation - AP

INDIANAPOLIS-- Butler 's run in the NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship Game may be tarnished after reports surfaced today that all 13 players on the roster are being given good educations in an effort to help them find good jobs after they leave the school. "It's important to remember that right now these are only allegations -- allegations that we are looking into," said NCAA president James Isch.

"But, obviously, if true, this would be very disappointing. The NCAA has certain expectations and standards. It's not fair for players at one school to be given good educations while athletes at other member schools receive basic, remedial instruction that is worth essentially nothing." According to documents seized from the school's registrar's office, Butler players have received an education worth $38,616 per year totaling more than $150,000 over a four-year career.

Compare that to player at a school like Kentucky , where tuition is set at $4,051 -- but with an actual value far below that. “We don't want to say too much until these reports are confirmed," said Kentucky head basketball coach John Calipari. "But we're talking about almost $140,000 difference in education per player -- and that's even if my players stayed four years or graduated, which many of them do not. Then these Butler players are reportedly stepping into good jobs after graduation while my kids, if they don't make the NBA, have absolutely no job prospects or life skills. It's far from a balanced playing field. They are buying the best players by giving them a high-priced education."

In addition to the allegations that they were given an expensive education, many Butler players have been spotted around campus holding books, studying and engaging in interesting conversations. Others have been seen with people who are known to not be tutors. Butler point guard and Kentucky native Ronald Nored, who is reportedly a secondary education major, denied allegations that the Bulldog program is cheating.

"The discourse on this matter is fatuous and inane," he said, implicating the program further.

10 ways to appear less cub style while still being cub style.

1. when you are eating tuna directly from the can as meal, sprinkle a little dill weed on it. look, now it's fancy.

2. spray a $30 bottle of designer dry shampoo on the hair that you haven't washed in 3 days.

3. fold up that blanket that you used to sleep on top of your fully-made bed (which is what you do so that you never have to actually make it.)

4. do give yourself a pedicure, but just paint the toes that are visible through the peep toe.

5. put the coffee that you made with yesterday's old grounds in a fancy starbucks tumbler then walk around like you are cool.

6. tell everyone that the scarf you got from forever 21 is from "this cute little market" in (insert foreign country of choice).

7. when you get caught using dr. pepper lip smackers, remind people that rachel bilson recommended it in instyle magazine.

8. when you are rewearing yesterday's eye make-up, smudge it around so it looks like an on-purpose smoky eye.

9. if someone asks you why you are always wearing workout clothes in everyday life, tell them that you are a spokesperson for nike.

10. and finally, if/when you get caught trying on a pencil skirt over your running shorts in the middle of banana republic, there is no way to appear less cub style. just own it.

growing up so fast.

today i took back some of the loot from the nordstorm extravaganza and i bought myself a black suit. when i put it on, i felt like i was playing dress up.

now that i have the suit, i feel like there are other work basics that i surely will need, but i have no idea where to start. any ideas are appreciated.

incidentally, while i was in the fitting room trying on the aforementioned suit, i received a call from a very prestigious sports company that will remain anonymous asking me if i would be avaliable for an interview. tracey, it's the secret.

"wait, so there's no beer at the final four? i don't understand."

here we go!

hitting up brothers with the brothers in broad ripple pre-game---bloody marys+beer=i left my phone in the backseat of the car for the entire night, meaning no contact with the outside world. perfect.

dad and kenny got these gramatically incorrect t-shirts from some crazy guy at brothers and they were set for the game...(where dreams are made of???)

getting excited!!!

ran into lovely carly at the bar in the crowne plaza hotel on the way to game---and dad creeped into the pic...

...so i cropped him out.

outside the game---tinted blue in honor of the winning team.

this is about the time i was ready to throw up and/or pee my pants.

this was the decadant post game celebration. go big or go home (which we did right after we killed this seafood tower.)

NEXT STOP, NATIONAL CHAMPIONS.

shots of the three point and vodka varieties.

brackettown officially started yesterday with the slam dunk competition followed by the intersport weekend kickoff party. after a few hours of watching all stars shoot three pointers just inches from the court and dodging espn cameras as so not to get myself on tv (why do people always try to be in the background shot??? you always look awkward and/or like you're being fake) i got myself all dolled up and we set out for the club where the party was hosted.

johnsens doing it big.

tickets! but really, i hate that word right now.

i felt like it would be shitty to not wear any of the new stuff kenny bought me, but i still wasn't sure how i felt about keeping it so executed a very cubs style plan that included me using a stamp to "tape" the tag of the silver leather jacket into the sleeve so i could still return it later. muhahaha.

at the party, cousin andrew went into full frat bro mode and started buying shots for me and all the girl bball players (soooooooooo not worth his while, they were not cute) and needless to say we all got sufficiently silly. i am hoping this did not interfere with my networking skills, but i can not be sure.

while andrew and kenny followed the bball girls to another bar, dad and i took the most logical step one must take when they are shitfaced at 2am and have still not eaten dinner: we went to steak and shake where we ate chicken fingers, fries and shakes. no, haters, this is not sensationalist journalism, i did in fact eat all of those things, and i don't regret it even though i highly doubt that any of it was organic because it allowed me to wake up and actually function as a quasi-human this morning and to enjoy one of the best workout experiences ever: jogging through downtown indy and weaving my way through the hoards of fans in butler attire. even though i was sweating vodka, i was high on school spirit. bulldogs, not underdogs.

taking over brackettown with $1200 worth of merchandise.

you know that scene in pretty woman where richard gere takes julia roberts shopping? well i just reinacted that, except instead of richard gere footing the bill it was my uncle kenny.

kenny came in from dallas to do the final four with me and dad, so he came to pick me up and take me downtown after i was done with class while dad kept sorting tickets, but instead of taking me to the hotel we went to nordstrom where i basically was a human barbie doll so that uncle kenny could get his fix of spoiling the daughter he never had. he kept shouting "we need a personal shopper! we're looking for something hot for this girl to wear to a party tonight!"

even though i was already pretty excited about wearing the new frankey's top that my fav gay salesguy austin swiped of the 75% off rack for me, i humored uncle kenny and played dress up while he enthusiastically forked over the plastic. the damage was as follows:

a calvin klein silk dress $158

a plaid raincoat thing---i don't even know $160

a silver leather jacket (what?) $260

and....

get ready for this....

a pair of stuart weitzman heels for $355!!! unreal.

once i got over the shock of that experience and felt like i had exhausted the phrases "thank you so much!" and "you shouldn't have!," we went back to the hotel to meet dad and then on to lunch at harry and izzy's where a shrimp cocktail will set you back about $20. who am i?!?! for this weekend at least, i am chuck johnsen's daughter/assistant, and am prepared to spend the rest of the weekend schmoozing with potential employers. right now i am sitting in the hotel alone waiting for the events manager from nike to come pick up his final four tickets from me. i plan on offering a simple trade: his tix for a job with nike. sound fair? i think so too.